As Fun As A Mad Hatter's Tea Party
by lamatikah
Summary: “you know, sora,” alice said, fireflies beginning to twinkle in front of her face, “you’re as fun as a mad hatter’s tea party on a summer’s day.” [for  dayjuana] [alora]


As Fun As A Mad Hatter's Tea Party

[&&-

Riku and Kairi were little bitches. If Sora were a lesser man he would have punched them, or at least given them the cold shoulder – played the Evasion Game. However, Sora was not a lesser man.

And the fact that if he did do that he had no other friends to talk to.

It was a vicious circle, really.

So he braved through it all, through Belle and her constant comments on how she preferred big, buff, hairy men; Aurora, who frequently fell asleep and refused to open her eyes until Sora kissed her (which he didn't); Snow White who went on and on about how **pretty** she was and how much she** hated** apples and how her seven previous boyfriends had been so **amazing**; Cinderella who insisted on wearing glass slippers – though her feet were not something to be admired; Jasmine and her obsession with carpets. God forbid.

And here he was again, sitting opposite the two as they lectured him with grim faces over his current "predicament because really Sora, you're fifteen now and a fifteen year old without a girlfriend is a sad, sad, sad sight."

"So, we have one last girl for you," Riku continued, hands clasped together in an awkward manner, as though declaring the death of a relative, or perhaps numerous relatives. Though, numerous relatives would be a bit of a rarity for we all know that car accidents have declined about fifty per cent in the last thirty years.

"Her name is Alice and," Kairi said, nodding eagerly, much unlike Riku who remained perfectly still and solemn, "she is **so** nice! A little… different-"

"Bizarre." Riku's coarse voice cut across Kairi's. She nodded in agreement.

"Outlandish, perhaps," she added.

"Peculiar."

"Zany."

"Odd."

"All those things!" Kairi slurred the sentence into one so it was more of a 'alldosefings –insert arms flailing wildly here-'. "But, really, despite that, she's… unique-"

"Weird," commented Riku in a growl. Kairi shook her head from side to side as though wondering whether this was right or wrong. Her eyebrows arched into an almost worried expression.

"Wacky, I think," she concluded. However, Riku had more to say.

"Unusual."

"Freaky."

"Strange."

"Alldosefings!" Kairi slurred again, arms flailing wildly again as she said it. "But, Sora, honestly and truly, she is The One," pausing, Kairi took a deep breath and then mumbled a hasty, "for you."

Sora stuck out his lower lip in a usual pout. They really didn't know what they were talking about, did they? Alice: what sort of name was that? A weird one, that's what. Though, the author would like to take this moment to say that her vocabulary has been pulled to its limits by Riku and Kairi's little montage of words, henceforth if you want another word for crazy then you are not in luck today.

"Gee whiz, guys, you're really selling her," said Sora in a rare moment of wit. Kairi sighed exasperated, flopping back onto the sofa. Riku rolled his eyes and mumbled something about '_stupid Kairi… said would work… Sora… retard… damn…_'

Kairi sat back up, her jaw muscles tensing, clenching and unclenching, her teeth grounding as she summoned the words, "She's the last one, Sora, I promise." A purposely fake smile made its way to her face and mutilated her usually pretty face into something little better than, well, ugly.

"Fine, but – just so you know – I **don't** appreciate what you do for me." Sora finally cracked and gave in to their ludicrous demands as his lower lip jutted out and his crossed arms were just the glacé cherry amidst the white icing of a blue-eyed glare on top of the soft, lovable muffin that was Sora.

Kairi clapped her hands in glee and grinned with the sort of grin a kid who just got exactly what they wanted for Christmas (like a goat) gave – though they'd forget they even had it after a few weeks, maybe even days.

Riku leant over and patted Sora on the shoulder like a best friend should. Sora shook his head at the two of them: why were they doing this for him anyway? He'd already told them that a girlfriend was the last thing he had wanted. Which led onto him having to explain that okay, well, no, yes, a girlfriend was technically the second to last thing he wanted – a boyfriend was the last thing he wanted.

"You suck guys."

justabit _d I f f e r e n t_ . . .

Alice was a petite blonde with giant blue eyes and matching dress. Her appearance seemed to be lacking in the craziness Riku and Kairi had so fondly mentioned. In fact, Alice looked like a very quiet, normal girl who lived with her mommy and daddy and had pet fish and did all her homework on time and was normal and good like that.

She even curtseyed as Sora walked towards her, making Sora shift his eyes back and forth. What do you do when a girl curtseys to you?

"Hello, pleased to meet you," Alice stated, a strong English accent laced into it, "my name's Alice. But I think you already know that, don't you?" She giggled. It wasn't like a giggle Sora had ever heard before, not like Kairi's who's giggle always sounded fresh and carefree. No, Alice's giggle was something entirely else: it was thick with certainty; defiance lingered there – because Alice was giggling and not doing anything else. But it was also completely devoid of emotion. Like a robot's laughter, she giggled with one who didn't particularly think something was funny but laughed anyway.

"Uh, hi, I'm Sora," Sora paused, "but I guess **you** knew that, huh?"

Alice smiled and her eyes smiled too. "Why, yes, I did. But I don't think that really matters. It's good of you to tell me anyway." That smile again. Sora shuddered because through the sparkling eyes and pretty pink lips, there was something not quite right. Some strange, unnatural thoughts were drifting in Alice's mind, something about the way her eyes dulled afterwards, something about the way her smile never lasted long.

It was all a little disturbing.

But Sora said he'd stick through it all, and to be completely honest, what could be worse than some chick screaming that you must put her shoe back on "**immediately**! Because do you know who I am, _Sora_ Joel **Osment**? _**I**_ am Cinderella – I'm going to be a _**princess**_ and if you want anything to _**do**_ with me then you _**have**_ to learn how to put my shoe on _**QUICKLY**_!" By then, however, Sora was already half way down the street.

The screeching and the stamping of the foot and the **venom** seething through his name as she had leered down at him, hands on hips, it had all been too much. And then Kairi and Riku had given him Jasmine and, oh dear Lord, he would never be able to step near Crazy Al's Crazy Carpets without wanting to run home crying to mommy.

But, this was the last one and so far things were good. Apart from the really weird English accent, the old-fashioned clothing and the whole mental around the edges thing. But compared to the others, that was good. Good, good, good.

Hey, maybe he'd even enjoy himself this time round.

Maybe Kairi had been right: maybe Alice _was_ The One, with the capitals and the gasp and the tiny smile.

Stupid Sora. He mentally whacked himself as he continued down the street, Alice walking daintily beside his plodding footsteps. Don't get ahead of yourself, he told himself, The One. Pfft. That kind of mush was for fangirls with too much time on their hands.

He hardly knew her for crying out loud!

He couldn't even remember why he was doing this for Riku and Kairi anymore. It might have had something to do with him getting drunk and owing them six or something. He shrugged. He couldn't remember, but apparently his best friends could.

"So, Alice, where do you want to go?" Sora chose his words carefully to avoid any conflict with her.

Alice didn't hesitate with her answer, "I hear the park is a lovely place to go for a walk," she smiled _that_ smile. "Would it be terribly selfish of me to ask to go there?" Sora shook his head.

"'Course not."

The park wasn't really a "play park"; it was more of a place where people walked their dogs or lazed about in, blowing dandelions and hiding in the tall, uncut grass. Sora wasn't an expert on the park, but he'd been there once or twice before and there didn't seem much to it.

Along the way, Alice started to talk, "Sora, have you ever met the Cheshire Cat?"

Sora shook his head tentatively, this seemed to be heading in an awkward direction; the sort of direction Jasmine had led him: _"Sora, do you know Talking Carpet?"_

"He confuses me so; his awful riddles drive me absolutely insane some days!" Alice looked up at Sora, a confused, even dazed, look settling across her face, "Though, I can hardly call them riddles, see. They are more like sayings – oh goodness, that's not the word. Oh bother, what's that word? Oh dear, I can't think of it right now but you see, he says awfully strange things."

Sora nodded; maybe if he let her carry on talking, she'd tell him interesting things. She didn't talk about the same things as the others did.

"Sometimes, I do believe that he is utterly _mad_!" Alice giggled hysterically for a few seconds before settling back down. "Oh goodness, I do get carried away sometimes, don't I?"

Sora mumbled an 'mmhmm' as he traipsed on through the park. Alice tread beside him, humming a tune which he had never heard, sometimes he could hear her mutter a word or two alongside it, like 'twas brillig' and 'mome raths outgrabe'. She seemed perfectly content in this state of mind until they reached a part of the park Sora had never been before and she cried, "Oh!"

"Look, Sora, would you mind terribly if we went this way? I may catch a glimpse of the darling little White Rabbit." Sora nodded, and decided that this was what a normal girl would do, right? They like fluffy little bunnies, things like that, so it was a jolly good thing Alice seemed to, too. Hopefully. Or maybe he was just being a little too optimistic.

Alice led him through the woods and into a small clearing, in the middle of which was a large flowerbed with an array of interesting, differently coloured, well, flowers. There were Forget-Me-Nots and Roses and Lilies and all sorts. Caterpillars wriggled over leaves and butterflies flitted from here to there. It was a beautiful place, really. The only thing that stopped Sora from relaxing was the fact that Alice seemed to be glaring at a certain few of the flowers.

"I'm not a weed, Sora," Sora nodded. "You're awfully quiet. According to Kairi, you're very talkative. She says that you are a real conversationalist so what is it about me that changes you?"

Sora blinked, what was it about Alice? All the other girls, he only kept quiet because they were boring and he was afraid that if he said something it would set them off again. "_And ohhhmaigawd I remember this one time…"_

Somehow he doubted that Alice was the sort to rant about 'this one time', let alone utter the phrase 'ohhhmaigawd'. It was hardly the 'this'll turn into chaos' reason. He had realised that she was incapable of turning something into chaos a long time ago now.

So what was holding him back?

"Is it," Alice began, "because I'm mad?" It was more of a statement than a question.

It was as simple as the young teen saying, "I am mad." But she didn't say that because she was asking Sora's opinion. And Sora, well, he wasn't quite sure what to say. Again.

"I like it that you're mad," popped out an answer from the dark depths of what we call 'The Ne'er Regions of Sora's Brain'.

Alice smiled – oh, that smile, "Really, Sora? Because, I can assure you now, that you would be the only one. Not even Mabel, who – I must say – is rather dim, would stay with me for any longer than necessary." She sighed, "You don't have to stay with me, Sora. I have other friends around here somewhere. The Mad Hatter," she paused to look at Sora's reaction – there was none, "and the March Hare."

Sora grinned, he grinned his goofy, lopsided grin, given only to people who deserved it. People like Alice because Alice deserved all the grins in the world. "Honestly. I like it that you're mad because it makes you special."

Alice smiled, yes that smile. With the sparkly eyes and the pretty pink lips. But this time it didn't fade after a short period of time, it stayed there.

"So what are your friends like?" asked Sora, running his fingers along Alice's until they caught hers in a hold. She squeezed back, sending tingles running down his spine.

Alice thought for a moment as they continued on their way. "They're positively bonkers. And the Mad Hatter, he's incredibly fun – I'm sure you'd love to meet him one day – has this riddle that not even he can answer!"

Sora looked intrigued; he liked riddles, "What is it?"

Alice thought again, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Sora pondered over the possibilities, or general lack thereof. He couldn't think of anything! "Do you have any ideas?"

Alice laughed – this laugh was different to that thick, robot giggle, this laugh was her laughing at something she found amusing. "None at all. It's ridiculous I think but the Mad Hatter _is_ a ridiculous sort of man." Sora nodded.

"Sounds like it," he commented.

Alice flicked him on the nose, "Are you honestly interested in the Mad Hatter, Sora?" Sora nodded effusively as Alice tutted, "It is not becoming of a young lady to lie. But, then again, you are not a young lady so I suppose you may be excused."

Sora shook his head, "No, I am interested! I want to know all about your friends – they sound… fun."

Alice looked up at him, "Heavens, I never thought I'd hear anyone say anything like that, fancy! Well, there's the March Hare – he's a hare. And their darling little mouse, he lives in the teapot and sings the most adorable little songs. Ooh, the Queen of Hearts, a-and the Duchess! Oh her poor baby though, turned into a pig… Bill the lizard, oh I do feel sorry for him – that dodo is just a big bully, really. And oh, the White Rabbit, I do wish I could see him again.

"He was such a friendly little creature. In fact, he thought I was his maid at one point! Oh goodness, what a day that was: These drinks and biscuits, they made me grow or shrink: it was terribly confusing. Oh! The Butterfly! He used to be the Caterpillar, see? But then he made himself a little cocoon and suddenly: **POOF**! He was a butterfly, no, he was the Butterfly."

Alice sighed in contentedness and laced her fingers back over Sora's. "Why don't we sit down?" Sora asked, pointing to the grass below them.

Sitting on the grass and just watching the stars come out above them, Sora realised how long he'd spent with Alice. And you know what, he'd enjoyed it. He'd really, properly enjoyed it.

"You know, Sora," Alice said, fireflies beginning to twinkle in front of her face, "you're as fun as a Mad Hatter's tea party on a summer's day."

Sora grinned.

justhowi _l i k e i t . . ._

-&&)

pour - d a y j u a n a because she is like rockin your sox right now.  
because she has that effect on people.  
so like review and tell me if it's okay or not  
the ending's a bit smuffed up because i'm tired.  
;is NOT a night owl;

¬.o

ps. sorry that this is prolly riddled - RIDDLED - with errors  
please tell me any you can see and i'll correct them  
so that it will be all pretty and stuff without no  
errors or nothing.


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